The Thing Called: Solid Support

Chapter 8

The Thing Called: Solid Support

It was an unwritten rule that the three of us would sit together to prepare for every exam – internal or semester. But this semester, it was going to be different. This separation had left me in pretty bad shape. I didn’t know what hurt me more, the break up with my girlfriend or my falling out with Mourya. But as the saying goes, as god has given us a stomach, he has also procured food from somewhere.

Three days before the third semester exam, I was in a dilemma. I wasn’t sure if I should give the exam or not. It was 10:30 in the morning and I got a text. I didn’t know what was happening to me. but for every text I used to get, I always used to pray in my mind that this time it must be her, but this time unfortunately, the text wasn’t from her, it was from Monika, saying the hall tickets had been issued and asking me to collect mine. I thought, if I was not giving the exam; why the hell should I collect my hall ticket? As I threw my mobile phone on the bed, my mother found me. She looked worried and asked me what happened.

Me: Why do you want to know if I am ok or not?

Mom: I am just asking son. If you don’t want to tell me, it’s ok. But don’t get upset on such a beautiful morning.

Upset, yes that was the word I was searching for, the emotion I was struggling with. I was upset because I had been beset with all these incidents. I wasn’t able to compartmentalize my feelings.  I was restless, I felt suffocated. I was dying to get out of the situation, but didn’t know how. I was in desperate need of a friend who could guide and support me, pull me out of this quicksand. But the thing here was I couldn’t ask anyone to pull me out because I had promised her that I wouldn’t tell anybody about our relationship. I was stuck between quicksand and a desert storm. Where you can’t see anything, can't figure out where to go, neither can you call anyone for help. If I opened my mouth, everyone would come to know.

I decided I had to pull myself out of this situation on my own, I had to be strong. I needed to keep myself busy, surround myself with friends to forget about the ones gone by. So I decided to go to college where I knew I would find three or four of my friends at least.

When I reached college, I bumped into Jay. Almost 5.11”, slim fit shirt, tablet in one hand, black colour trousers, smile on the face. As I saw him, he waved to me, I gave him a smile. We called him JT. He was my classmate, but we were not close. Somehow I always felt I could not connect with him.

Me: How are you?

JT: I am fine. How are you?

Me: I am also fine.

JT: Are you? You don’t look fine. What’s the matter?

Me: Nah. I am fine. Believe me.

JT: Ok. We will discuss this later. Go and collect your hall ticket first.

Me: Did you collect yours?

JT: Nope. Fees not paid yet.

Me: Dude when are you going to do that? Just pay the damn fees, otherwise they will not allow you to sit for the exams.

JT: Well, that’s the fun part. They will have to allow me to sit for the exams. And I am not going to pay the fees till I get a placement from the college. See, this is my account balance.

He showed me his balance on his tablet, apart from the fee amount, he had Rs. 5,000 extra. That was the interest he had earned on depositing the fees with the bank.

Me: Well, you are one of a kind.

JT: I know that. Go and collect your hall ticket. I will collect mine on the day of the exam.

As I was stepping out after collecting it, I saw the notice board. My ex-girlfriend had been nominated for the sports scholarship. There were other nominees, but her chances were higher. I was excited and happy. I immediately called her to congratulate her.

Me: Hey, congrats.

Her: Congrats for what, Samrat? What is it this time? Please don’t irritate me. Our exams begin in three days. Please don’t disturb me.

Me: Sorry.

Her: Now, please go and study, or do whatever you want. But please, let me study.

She cut the call.

Though she was upset with me, I felt happy because I had got a chance to hear her voice. Everyone around me was busy, so I went to the library. Many students, especially juniors, were busy gathering notes. I was looking at them and smiling. It was amusing to think about student life. Many gather in the library for notes or books when exams are knocking at the door. But if you ask them to attend college regularly, half of them will start bunking lectures from that very day. Those who attend lectures daily are either studious or they have girlfriends who like to sit through lectures. As I was thinking about this, JT came and sat beside me. He was reading the newspaper and there were three huge books on his table.

Me: JT, what are these?

JT: Ganu is coming to college. He asked me to get these books.

Me: So, you are going to start studying from today.

JT: Nope, from tomorrow. Today, I am just going to look at books so that my eyes will get accustomed to the colour and size. Ganu will decide what to read. What about you? When you are going to start?

Me: Haven’t decided yet. I don’t want to study or give the exam. I have been thinking that I will sit for the re-exams after two months. I will clear all the subjects then.

JT: Dude, this attitude doesn’t suit you. Come, lets study together.

Me: Yes, let’s see.

When I stepped out, Ganu had come to take the books. I accidentally bumped into JT, Ganu, and Rider as they were about to leave the college. It was an awkward moment.

Me: Got the notes?

JT: Yup.

Me: So, what are you guys going to do now?

JT: We will make food and take a nap. Do you wish to join? You haven’t seen our flat, have you?

Me: Nope.

JT: Come with us. We can have lunch together.

I followed him. It was a 2-bedroom flat, little did I know then that I would be spending  some of the best moments of my life there.

I started spending more time with them. We developed a strong bond and an especially strong one with JT. I remember when JT landed a job, we celebrated by making sweets from scratch. He knew how to have fun. Any party was incomplete without him.

December 23, 2013. The booze kept flowing that night and we must have smoked innumerable packs of cigarettes. JT had invited around 30 people and everyone was punch drunk towards the end. By 1:30 am, most of them had left.

The party reminded me of the previous year’s party, “The Reunion” and how I had eventually proposed. I checked my mobile phone to see if there were any messages or calls. There was only one new message, it was from Monika. It said

'It's that time of the year again. A time to think of all your loved ones. A  time to forget and forgive, and give all your loved ones a second chance. May the coming Christmas fill your heart with warmth and love. Merry Christmas!'

This message reminded me of how Monika had missed the chance of asking me out by just two days last year. This year though she had remembered and texted me at the same time. Looking at the message I smiled. JT asked me who the lucky girl was. I looked at JT and told myself that this time, Monika had texted me at the right time.

Me: JT, have you experienced love?

JT immediately took out his tablet and showed me the wallpaper.

Me: Who is she?

JT: She is my girlfriend. We have been together for the past five years.

Me: What? Are you serious?

JT: Yes, I am serious. I am going to marry her. Her parents also know about us. That’s why getting a job was very important. I am very happy today and threw this party.

JT belonged to a rich family. They owned huge tracts of land and many of his family members were politicians.  

Me: Well JT, you are one lucky guy.

JT: Sammy, you must have noticed that most of the people who came here tonight were shocked to see you at the party.

Me: Why?

JT: Because they have never seen you hanging out at a friend’s apartment or drinking. They have always seen you getting involved in some college event or doing something else. And I know that many girls in our college are dying to go out with you. I have been watching you over the past few months and you seem lost. You haven’t been involved in any college activity also. What is the matter? You know some wise man had said “What could be tree should not die as a plant”. And I believe that you have the potential to grow into a tree. So what is the matter with you?

Me: I have been going through a rough phase.

JT: Was it the break up?

Me: What? No, no, no. Not at all. Who told you that?

I wanted to tell him the truth and scream out loud, 'Yes. It was my fucking break up that had turned me into a wreck'. But I could not say this because I had promised someone. But in my heart I thanked him for being there for me.

JT: Well I don’t know the reason but if it was because of a relationship, then remember – this is just my observation. Guys like you should not get involved in relationships because your breed is different. Guys like you are meant to do the great things. There will be thousands of girls lining up for you.

If what JT said was true, then why not her? I didn’t want thousands of girls, I only wanted her. If she had said yes to my proposal exactly a year ago, then why couldn’t I ask her again right now, because Monika didn’t forget she also had some hope left, so why not me? I called up to ask.

Me: Hi, still awake?

Caller: Are you ok?

Me: I am ok.

Caller: How drunk are you?

Me: How did you know?

Caller: I am your elder brother dear. I can sense that you are pretty drunk right now.

Me: You are right. I must have had one full bottle. I called to tell you that I am going to call her one last time. If she says no, I am not going to call her or talk to her ever again.

Bro: My dear little brother, always remember that we belong to a royal family. If that girl says she doesn’t want to be with you, then respect her decision. A gentleman never calls a woman at night and especially not in the condition that you are in. If you want to call her, get sober and ask her politely. Now, go to sleep.

The very next day, as soon as I woke up the next day, I called her. I had come to know from Monika that she had got a job in Chennai but I pretended I was hearing this news for the first time.

We spoke over the phone for almost an hour, but I did not bring up the topic of our relationship. To this day, I don’t know why.

The Thing Called: Being Empathetic

Chapter 7

The Thing Called: Being Empathetic

It was November 23, 2013, 8 in the night, I just had a wonderful conversation with Kiran. She sounded happy and cheered me up, made me forget about the whole separation and break-up thing. It was a silent break-up, nobody in our friend circle, not even Kiran was aware of it. She did not know how she was helping me by talking. She was a soothing balm on my wounds. In my heart of hearts, I wanted to tell her about me and her, but I had promised not to tell anybody. Talking with Kiran gave me joy, but it was also unbearable. I tried my best to maintain a distance between our talks and my emotions, which were trying to come out.

After my conversation with Kiran, I went to my brother’s room. He asked me “How are you now, my little brother?” I gave him a smile and told him that I was certainly not ok, but would be soon. I still wasn’t aware how much time that “soon” was going to take.

He handed me a beer and we made a toast on being single again.

Bro: Do you want to watch a movie?

Me: Yes. Any movie other than romantic one.

Bro: Hmm …

He rummaged through his massive collection and selected “Man of Steel”

After some time, his mobile phone rang. He spoke for around 2 minutes. He finished his beer, got dressed and told me to finish the biryani, which he had bought. He had to leave.

After he left, I closed the door, grabbed my beer, made myself snuggle under a blanket and made an attempt to enjoy the movie. Even though I was watching it, my mind was elsewhere. I emptied the beer in one go, got out of the blanket and went to the mirror. I murmured to myself, “Why are you still thinking about her? She is not with you any more, you are just hurting yourself. Stop it and move on. The more you resist, the more it will hurt you.”

I slapped myself repeatedly as I told myself, “STOP THINKING ABOUT HER, SHE IS NOBODY TO YOU. YOU ARE NOBODY TO HER.”

Suddenly, the mobile phone vibrated in my pocket. It was Kiran.

Me: Yes, Kiran?

K: …

Me: Hello …

K: …

Me: Hello? Kiran, are you there?

I could hear her sobbing.

Me: Kiran, are you ok?

K: Can we meet now? I want to talk to you.

Me: Now? It’s 10:30 at night. What happened? Why are you crying?

K: Nothing … I feel lost. I can’t talk on the phone. We will talk on Monday.

Me: Hey, what happened? You don’t sound ok.

K: Sammy, he cheated on me. He cheated on me, Sammy. I don’t know what to do.

Oh shit, this should not be happening now.

Me: Kiran, I am coming over. Don’t do anything stupid.

K: Ok, come soon.

I dressed quickly and wore a jacket I knew this was going to take long and since it was cold, I better be prepared.

As I was riding, I could hear her voice in my mind, asking me to calm down and relax. That sentence made me ask myself why I was doing this. The answer flashed in an instant: because when I was in the same condition, somebody was there to help me. Now, it was my turn to give back. She had been there for me when I had been shattered. While I was busy contemplating, I reached the college. I phoned her and asked her to come out.

While I was waiting for Kiran, I smiled to myself and thought, “Girls! No matter how sad they might be, they would never break their habit of coming late.” I waited for another five minutes. She was wearing a black jacket and a black pair of jeans.

She hopped on my bike. I raced down the empty road as she hugged me tightly. Suddenly, I could feel something familiar, but I knew it wasn’t her. Nobody else had sat like this on my bike yet.

I could feel a strong tingling sensation running through my body, but I was jolted back to reality. She started crying loudly. I was clueless as to how to handle the situation.

Me: Tell me, where do you want to go? Do you have any place in mind or shall we just roam?

K: No, we will sit somewhere.

Me: Ok.

Me: Are you hungry?

K: No.

She was still crying.

We drove for close to an hour and reached a restaurant which I knew remained open till 4 in the morning.

Me: Where do you want to sit?

K: There.

She pointed to a table, which was remote.

However, the waiter gestured that we were not allowed to sit there, since it was dimly lit and many couples had been found indulging in ‘activities’. But I was a regular there and I knew the waiter, Shankarbhai. I gave him a Rs. 50 note and shook his hand.

Me: Can you please clean the table?

S: Yes sir.

Kiran was already seated at the table, and did not see this exchange. She saw another waiter approaching and asked him to clean the table.

I waved for the menu card.

Me: What would you like to have?

K: Sammy, I had my dinner.

She had stopped crying and looked calm.

Me: Ok, then we will have something sweet. Actually, I wanted to have ice-cream, but in this weather, I think we will start producing ice-cream soon.

K: You are very caring and funny. Your girlfriend must be very lucky to have you. 

She was, but not any more. I wish she could have heard this.

K: How come I have never heard of her? You have a girlfriend right?

Me: Hey, we must try the gulab jamun. They prepare it fresh.

She nodded. I asked Shankarbhai for two plates.

Me: No, I don’t. I am single. Girlfriends are complicated. Enough talk about me though. You are asking questions, which means, the normal Kiran is back. So, tell me what happened.

K: After your call, I got a text from an unknown number warning me to leave Pinal alone. I texted back to ask who it was. She replied that she was Pinal’s girlfriend. They have been together since childhood and were getting engaged soon. I can’t tell you how shocked and betrayed I felt. At first, I thought someone was playing a prank. When she said her name was Kshiti, I remembered Pinal mentioning her name once, but he had never told me that they were together. I called Pinal and asked him about Kshiti. He didn’t know what to say. I told him I wanted to know what the truth was. He stumbled a bit and then asked me a question

P: What happened? Why you are asking such a question suddenly?

He didn’t even deny that they were serious about each other. Can you believe it?

K: I got a call from her saying that you and Kshiti are together since childhood. Tell me Pinal is it true?

P: Baby, listen. Why don't we talk about this tomorrow? it’s almost midnight. Do one thing, you go to sleep. I will come there tomorrow and talk.

K: No, I want answers now.

P: Baby listen to me, I will explain everything to you, but not now, my meeting is going to start soon. We will talk about this tomorrow.

K: Ok, but just tell me, were you close to Kshiti?

P: In a way of saying, yes.

K: Was it a serious affair?

P: Yes, I mean, no no no.

She took a long pause.

K: Tell me Sammy; what would you have done if you were in my place? Before I could say anything she started off again.

K: You know, I used to wake him up early in the morning for his exams and his meetings. Before joining this college I was with him for two months. I washed his clothes, learnt to make paranthas and gajar ka halwa, his favourites.

She started crying, but this time she wasn’t crying because he cheated on her. She was crying at her own fault for being so stupid in love.

Shankarbhai approached our table with the gulab jamuns.

Me: Thank you.

S: Anything else, sir?

Me: We will tell you later.

Me: It’s hot. Be careful while eating it.

She carefully cut a piece with the spoon and blew over it, before trying to feed me. When I noticed her hand approaching me, I immediately pretended that I was busy trying to eat my own.

K: Sammy!

I put myself in Pinal’s shoes and realised how he must have felt during those two months.

Me: No, you have it. I am having mine.

K: Sammy!

Me: Ok.

So I opened my mouth and allowed her to feed me, and I was like, 'Oh my god, its perfectly cooled to normal eating temperature'. With that small thing I got a clue that she must be good at cooking, and I felt a little sad for Pinal, I said in my mind, 'Pinal you are such a stupid ass to leave a girl like this –   the perfect home-maker'.

Me: It’s really good, better than last time. Now, you eat it.

K: You know Sammy, I felt liked he cheated on me, I think he just wanted to have fun. That’s why he was with me. I am so angry for allowing myself to be made a fool of. But now I have decided that I am going to take revenge for this. He should pay for what he has done. Tit for tat.

Me: Whoa! Easy, cowgirl.

K: What do you mean Sammy? He ruined my life.

Me: He was your boyfriend Kiran.

K: Yes, but after what he has done to me, I feel disgusted to call him my boyfriend.

Me: Ok, but what after the revenge? Do you think you will be satisfied?

K: Absolutely.

Me: You are absolutely wrong my dear. Revenge will only satisfy your ego. What will be the difference between you and him then? Is it really the right step?

K: So what do you suggest?

Me: I have an idea, which can serve your purpose. Since you truly loved him, and thought he was the one for you, let him talk and explain when you meet him tomorrow. While listening, don’t just listen, but empathize with him, step into his shoes and imagine how you would have reacted if that was you. After listening to him, ask him if he was taking this decision under pressure or he genuinely loved Kshiti. If he says he loves this girl, then just tell him that you also love him deeply. If spending the rest of his life with Kshiti is going to make him happy, then let him go. I know it sounds weird, but this is the crux of Mission Revenge. Remember, whatever you do in your life, excel in that, and you will achieve great success. Thousands of Pinals will line up for you. This altruism will be more satisfying than any revenge you wanted. Now, eat those gulab jamuns, they are waiting for you.

Kiran laughed, cut a piece and fed me again.

Me: If you won’t stop feeding me, I won’t come out with you again.

K: Sammy, I haven’t seen this side of yours before.

Me: Hmm …

K: What hmm? Now this is rude.

She laughed.

K: How about a beer?

Me: Hmm.

I waved at Shankarbhai and asked for two Heineken Light. It was 2 am, a few customers were still around. The weather was chilled, Kiran too seemed to be chilled and so was the beer. But within me, I could feel a pleasant warmth. We raised the beer to each other. Each sip of beer I took seemed to intensify the feelings within me. I finished my beer quickly, while she was still halfway with hers.

Me: What?

K: What are you thinking? Hey, don’t worry about me, I am ok.

She smiled. I smiled too.

K: Now tell me, what were you thinking?

Me: I was just thinking, it’s a very nice place to hang out at this time.

K: Yes, it is.

Me: Shall we? (I gestured with my hand)

When she sat on my bike, she hugged me tightly again. After a while, I felt something cold on my shoulder. I realized they were Kiran’s tears. She must have cried copiously on our way to the restaurant. It was a thick jacket, still her tears had found their way through. While I was lost in thought, Kiran thanked me for listening to her.

Me: Don’t worry dear, I will always be there.

K: Sammy …

Me: Yes, Kiran?

K: Sammy, I love you!

Me: Me too!

K: No, I am not talking that way. I am really in love with you. Please be my boyfriend.

Me: Kiran, don’t push it. We are good as friends.

K: Then why not as a couple?

Me: Some things are better if kept the way they are. Besides I have never seen you from that angle. We are better as friends than in a relationship.

K: Yes, you are right. I am getting emotionally unstable, drop me at the hostel before I do something stupid.

And we both laughed.

I dropped Kiran at her hostel. I reached home around 3:30 a.m. My brother still wasn’t home. I locked the door and crawled into my bed. But I wasn’t ready to sleep. I was busy thinking about her.